


Bubbles was The Next Door Neighbor

by phipiohsum475



Category: Sherlock (TV)
Genre: Bad Dirty Talk, F/M, Infidelity, Why am I with him?
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-22
Updated: 2014-10-22
Packaged: 2018-02-22 04:29:53
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 544
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2494484
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/phipiohsum475/pseuds/phipiohsum475
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Sally reflects on the pros and cons of dating Anderson, the biggest con being his version of dirty talk.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Bubbles was The Next Door Neighbor

 

Sally fished her toothbrush out of her purse, and opened the bathroom cabinet to retrieve the toothpaste. She cringed at the cinnamon flavor; Teresa had awful preferences. At least Sally remembered her toothbrush today; being the other woman meant she couldn’t leave a stray hair behind, let alone hygiene products.

She gagged slightly on the spicy taste as she cleaned her teeth, and stared at herself in the mirror. Her hair was a mess, but all her products and her diffuser were back at her place, and she wouldn’t have time to stop home before going in. She hoped Sherlock wouldn’t be needed on scene today; he’d call out her liaison within moments. She knew Lestrade would know too, but at least he had the courtesy to keep it to himself.

She wondered, as she often did in these moments, why she stayed with Phillip. For every pro there was a con, but then again, for every con there was a pro, so she couldn’t ever quite decide to change the status quo. She cared little for the thought of being a mistress, although she understood why he stepped out. Sally, however, was baffled that Phillip hadn’t ended the marriage once it was explicitly clear Teresa was sleeping with his brother. So, circumstances being what they were, she excused the infidelity.

Phillip was gentle, but never pandering. He respected her career and wasn’t intimidated by it. He sent flowers to her office after especially difficult cases. Contrarily, he might go three weeks without talking to her outside of work to appease the whims of his wife. He canceled dates at the last minute, and constantly forgot her strawberry allergy.

And nowhere was the dichotomy of pro versus con more obvious than in bed. Phillip’s tongue was simultaneously the best and worst experience in the entirety of her sexual experience. The way his broad tongue caressed the folds of her vulva, dipping in occasionally to lap at her juices straight from the source. The tip of his tongue worked magic against the her clitoris, sparking every one of the thousands of nerve endings in the engorged pleasure center. In fact, if it weren't for one small thing, he might possibly be the best lover she'd ever had.

However, if it weren't otherwise occupied, he would open his mouth. And the most atrocious words would fall out of it. Sally'd begun cataloging his sex talk for her monthly wine and gossip night with her girlfriends.

_I'm going to shove my penis in you so hard, it will clunk against your cervix._

_My dick is so thick, you'll feel like you're giving birth._

_I'm going to release all these sperms into your tight rectal cavity._

_I could build a snowman with those tits._

_God, your mouth is so much hotter and wetter than my vacuum._

Sally shuddered at the memories. If only she could keep his mouth constantly occupied. And then an image and a thought popped into her head, and she began to giggle. If only she could get Phillip to wear a ball gag whenever his mouth wasn't delighting her. And then the next thought caused her to laugh aloud.

She was pretty sure gagging Anderson would rend both her and Sherlock Holmes much happier.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is a nod at an old joke.


End file.
